You Thought My Turn Could Always Come Later Chapter 18
Ronan’s eyes reddened first.
“I know you’re not coming back,” he said, his voice thick.
“I just wanted to drive you one more time.”
“These past three years… every time I close my eyes, I think about that day.”
“If I’d gone to your ceremony, if I hadn’t made you go home by yourself all those times… would things be different?”
I said softly, “There are no ‘ifs’.”
He lowered his head as a tear splashed onto the steering wheel.
Caroline was squeezing the medicine box so hard it was bent out of shape.
“Sabine, can you give Mom one more chance?”
“I won’t ask you to come home.”
“Just… if you could call me once in a while, that would be enough.”
I looked from one to the other.
“It’s not that you never loved me.”
“It’s that you always thought my turn could come later.”
“You thought a child would never leave.”
“But I grew up.”
Caroline covered her mouth, sobbing too hard to speak.
Ronan reached into the car and pulled out a pair of red gloves.
Two little white pom-poms were sewn onto the wrists.
They were identical to the pair from three years ago.
“I’ve owed you these for a long time.”
I didn’t take them.
“I don’t need gloves anymore.”
“Besides, it isn’t cold.”
Ronan held the gloves, his shoulders slumping until he was slowly crouching on the pavement.
The man who used to lift me over his head now had hair that was more gray than brown.
A dull ache pulsed in my chest.
But I didn’t turn back. I didn’t hug him.
I’m allowed not to forgive them.
Sharing blood doesn’t mean I have to go back.
In the distance, Ms. Ward waved to me.
The car the school had arranged was waiting.
I pulled my suitcase toward it.
Just before I got in, Ronan suddenly called out, “Sabine, send me a message when you get there.”
I paused for a second.
“Ms. Ward will get one.”
The car door closed.
Through the window, I saw Caroline take two running steps after the car.
Ronan was still on the ground, holding the gloves that had arrived three years too late.
The car headed for the station.
I used to hope someone would remember to come pick me up.
Now I understand that the first person I have to rely on is myself.
I will never again wait for someone else to give me a home.
Wherever I am is my home now.