He Thought I’d Never Leave Chapter 07
Ethan began scouring the world for me.
He went first to the restaurant of our first date, a small Italian place in SoHo.
The owner remembered him.
“Ethan? Haven’t seen you in a while. Where’s your pretty girl?”
“Has she… been in recently?”
The owner thought for a moment and shook her head.
“No, Emily hasn’t been by in ages.”
He thanked her and walked out.
Next, the indie theater where we’d seen our first movie together.
The theater had closed two years earlier. In its place stood a trendy burger joint.
He stood outside for a while, watching people come and go. None of the backs he saw were the one he was looking for.
Finally, the spot where we’d watched our first sunset together.
The wind from the East River cut into his bones.
He walked along the water for a long time, until the sky was fully black.
Over the next few days, he searched every place he could think of.
Every one of them empty.
Blue stubble grew along his jaw. His eyes sank deeper into his face.
The first thing he did every morning was check his phone. The screen was always clean. No messages.
Scrolling one afternoon, he came across a post from a former colleague of mine. She was traveling in California and had uploaded a set of photos.
He was about to keep scrolling when his finger froze mid-air.
In the corner of the third-to-last photo—a girl in a beige trench coat, hair tied in a low ponytail—crouched down, feeding a stray dog.
He’d known that back for eight years. He wouldn’t mistake it.
It was me.
Ethan sprang up from the couch.
He booked a red-eye to San Francisco. He didn’t even pack. He grabbed a jacket and his phone and left.
Claire called him while he was sitting in the airport terminal, his fingers ice-cold.
“Ethan? Where are you going?”
“To find her. I saw her. She’s in Carmel.”
Silence on the line. Then:
“Do you really have to go?”
Claire’s voice was hoarse.
“Is she really that important? More important than me and the baby?”
Ethan gripped the phone. His knuckles whitened.
“Claire. When you got pregnant, I told you to make a choice. You were the one who insisted on keeping the baby.”
“I promised Emily’s mother, before she died, that I’d take care of her for the rest of her life. And I haven’t kept a single promise.”
Claire laughed suddenly. There were tears in it.
“Ethan. Do you not hear how absurd you sound? You dragged this out with me for four years. You let her be humiliated in front of everyone. You let her walk away alone. What are you going to take care of her with? Your mouth?”
“I’m a piece of shit.”
He said.
“I couldn’t control myself.”
“But these last few days without her, I’ve realized something. I can’t live without her.”
“What about me? What am I supposed to do?”
The wail of a baby cut across the line, sharp and piercing.
“Ethan. If you walk out on us today, we’re finished.”
Ethan closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He hung up.
When the plane took off, he leaned against the window and watched the lights of New York shrink beneath him.
He remembered a winter, years ago, in the leaky apartment in Williamsburg. I was wrapped in a blanket watching a show. He was next to me, hammering out code.
I’d turned to him suddenly and asked, Ethan, will you ever leave me?
He’d smiled. Never.
But in the end, he’d lost me anyway.