I Heard His Thoughts Never His Love Chapter 01
My childhood friend, Silas Grey, had struggled with an emotional disorder since he was young. He hated physical contact and was terrible at expressing himself.
He was polite to everyone.
Everyone except me.
Whenever I handed him a glass of water, he immediately backed away with a cold expression.
“Stay away from me.”
But the next second, his wounded thoughts flooded my mind.
My hands are covered in paint. I’ll ruin her dress.
Why didn’t she hold my arm and coax me like she usually does? Does she hate me now?
Everyone said I was the most special person in Silas’s life.
So I stayed by his side for ten whole years, learning to read every look in his eyes and forgiving every cruel thing he said but didn’t mean.
Until our parents suggested we get engaged.
In front of everyone, Silas threw the engagement ring I’d prepared into the fish tank.
“I’ve never liked her. She’s been clinging to me for ten years. It’s annoying as hell.”
The room went dead silent.
But inside his head, he was practically crying.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.
I can’t even give her a hug. I’ll only drag her down. If I’m cruel enough, she’ll leave me and find someone better.
I watched the ring sink to the bottom of the tank.
For once, I didn’t comfort him.
Instead, I took off the bracelet I’d worn for ten years and placed it in front of him.
“If you hate me that much, I won’t bother you anymore.”
The moment those words left my mouth, the entire room fell silent.
Mrs. Grey reacted first, grabbing my hand in alarm.
“Nora, how could Silas possibly hate you?”
“Everything you’ve ever given him is locked away in his cabinet. He won’t let anyone touch it.”
“Whenever you come over, he acts like he doesn’t care, but he waits on the porch for you first thing in the morning—”
“Who said I was waiting for her?”
Silas cut her off coldly.
His back was rigid, and he refused to even look at me.
“She talks nonstop all day. It’s annoying. I’d be thrilled if she never came back.”
This time, even his parents fell silent.
I looked down at my wrist.
I’d worn the bracelet Silas gave me for ten years. Now that it was gone, a faint indentation remained on my skin.
Ten years ago, some classmates had locked Silas inside a locker room.
When we found him, he was soaked through, hiding alone beside the lockers.
After that, he developed severe emotional problems.
He feared strangers and resisted physical contact, yet desperately craved affection.
The Grey family hired countless therapists, but nothing helped much.
Whenever anyone approached him, he simply retreated into silence and shut himself away.
Only with me would he snap,
“Don’t touch me.”
And only I could hear what he was really thinking.
Come closer.
Hold my arm. Don’t leave.
Everyone said Silas was willing to show emotion only around me because he trusted me.
And because I could hear his thoughts, I once believed I truly was special.
So when Mr. and Mrs. Grey tearfully asked me to stay with him, I agreed.
I stayed for ten years.
I memorized everything he liked and read paper after paper about emotional disorders.
I wasn’t naturally talkative, yet I practiced smiling in front of a mirror every day and prepared conversation topics in advance, just so I could make him a little happier whenever we met.
Every cold look he gave me, every cruel sentence he threw at me, I explained away for him.
Because I could hear his heart.
He told me to get lost while silently begging me to stay.
He said seeing me annoyed him while secretly wishing I’d stay a little longer.
I always thought that as long as I could hear the affection buried underneath, the words themselves couldn’t hurt me.
But I was wrong.
A knife wrapped in sugar was still a knife.
For ten years, I used his thoughts to soothe myself again and again.
I forgot that I could hurt too.
Even now, his thoughts crashed desperately into my ears.
She actually agreed to leave? Why isn’t she comforting me? I didn’t mean any of that.
Please. Just try one more time.
Should I just tell her the truth? I can’t live without her.
My eyes burned.
But for the first time, I didn’t soften.
I’d had enough.
A chair suddenly scraped harshly across the floor behind me.
Silas rushed after me and blocked my path.
He couldn’t get a single word out.
Yet his thoughts were frantic, almost tearful.
You can’t leave. I want to marry you.
Just tell me you don’t care that I’m like this. Tell me you’ll never leave, and I’ll say yes immediately.
I’ll give you the best wedding. I’ll give you everything I have.
Tears suddenly spilled down my cheeks.
Silas froze.
His hand instinctively lifted to wipe them away, only to stop halfway.
I looked into his eyes.
Some ridiculous final shred of hope still lingered inside me.
“Silas, I’m asking you one last time. Do you really not want to get engaged to me?”
Everyone looked at him.
His face slowly flushed.
Even his eyes turned red.
Tell her.
Tell her you love her.
Beg her not to leave.
After a long silence, he turned his face away.
His voice was cold and hard.
“Who said I wanted to marry you?”
“I only stopped you because I want everything I gave you back.”