My Last Birthday: I Died While Mommy Said She Was Done With Me Chapter 03
That night, Mommy gave Lily a bath.
I stood in front of the shower curtain, my heart squeezing tight.
I was so scared Mommy would pull the curtain open and see me in the bathtub.
Steam filled the bathroom as Mommy made lots of bubbles for Lily.
Lily looked up at her. Her wet hair stuck to her forehead.
“Mommy, why hasn’t Emily come out yet?”
Mommy’s hands stopped for a second.
“She’s probably asleep.”
Lily spoke in a tiny voice. “But I miss Emily. I haven’t seen her all day.”
Mommy turned off the water, wrapped Lily up in a big towel, and pulled her into her arms.
“Lily, do you ever get mad at Mommy and Daddy?”
“Mad about what?”
Mommy hugged her a little tighter.
“Do you ever feel like we spend all our time taking care of Emily and giving her the best things?”
“Or like we don’t have enough time for you sometimes?”
Lily’s little wet arms went around Mommy’s neck.
“No.”
“Why would I be mad? Emily’s sick.”
“My teacher said sick people need the most care.”
“Mommy and Daddy and me have to take care of Emily together.”
Mommy’s shoulders trembled a little.
She buried her face in Lily’s towel and didn’t say anything for a long time.
“You’re such a good girl, Lily.”
“Your sister has had a really hard time.”
“No… Mommy, that isn’t right. You and Daddy had it harder.”
Yet she couldn’t hear me. She just kept talking.
“Emily was born sick. The doctors said she might not even grow up.”
Mommy sniffed.
“So Mommy and Daddy were always scared she’d be in pain. We were scared she’d get hurt.”
“We just wanted to give her everything we could.”
Her voice got quieter.
“But sometimes Mommy gets tired too.”
“Sometimes I wish Emily were a little healthier.”
“I wish I could spend more time with you.”
Lily seemed to understand some of it. She patted Mommy’s back with her tiny hand.
I crouched in the corner.
Big, clear tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Mommy. I was a bad girl.”
“I wish I had never been born.”
“Then maybe Mommy and Daddy would only have one little girl, and everything would be better.”
But neither of them could hear me.
After Lily’s bath, Mommy carried her to bed and tucked her in.
Then she walked over to my bedroom door.
She stood there for a long time.
Finally, she raised her hand and knocked softly.
“Emily, are you asleep?”
I floated right in front of her.
I tried to reach out and touch her.
But my fingers went straight through her.
“Mommy shouldn’t have yelled at you today. I was wrong.”
“It was Lily’s first day of school, and I was so nervous. I didn’t mean to be so hard on you.”
She stopped for a moment, like she was waiting for me to answer.
But I couldn’t answer her anymore.
Mommy sighed.
“I left some cake in the living room.”
“It’s your favorite. Strawberry.”
“Don’t forget to eat it, okay?”
She stood outside my door for a few more seconds.
Then she went back to her room.
The door closed.
I walked into the living room.
There was a little piece of cake sitting on a plate on the dining table.
It was small. The strawberry on top was a little crooked.
Then I drifted into the bathroom. The little girl was still in the bathtub.
The water had gone cold.
Her face was as white as paper.
Mommy had never pulled back the shower curtain.
She didn’t know that I would never get to eat the cake she left for me.
And I would never get to hear her apology.