I Will Love Myself Chapter 02
Later, I lay in bed for a long time, half asleep. At some point, the door eased open.
Mom came in with a plate of ravioli. She saw my red eyes and frowned. “You hiding in here sulking over what we said?”
I hid my face in the blanket and shook my head. “No.”
She sat down beside me with a sigh. “Elle, I’m your mom. I know what you’re thinking.
“You think we only care about Rach, right?”
I didn’t answer. My nose stung.
“You and Rach aren’t the same,” she went on. “NYU’s her dream. She failed this time. Shouldn’t we be there for her a bit more?”
I looked up at her. Her tone was calm, but underneath it felt like she was deciding who mattered more.
And the precious one deserved more attention.
My voice cracked before I could stop it. “Mom, why didn’t you ask about my scores?”
Mom frowned, caught off guard. It took her a moment to answer. “We don’t push you the same way. Wherever you get in, we’ll support you. It’s not like we can’t afford college for both of you.”
She stood and pointed at the plate. “Eat it while it’s hot. Don’t go to bed hungry.”
I sat up and took a bite. Shrimp and clams hit my tongue immediately.
I froze, and then my stomach turned.
It was Rachel’s favorite dish, and I’d been allergic to seafood since I was little. Mild reactions meant rashes. Bad ones left me struggling to breathe. They all knew that.
But I kept eating anyway, forcing down bite after bite like I was punishing myself.
Or maybe I was trying to prove something to my forty‑two‑year‑old self.
Mom brought me food. She remembered I hadn’t eaten. She must love me—just not like she loved Rachel.
I chewed and swallowed mechanically until the plate was empty.
Red blotches spread across my arms. My throat tightened, as if a hand closed around it. Breathing got harder.
Right before everything went dark, one thought hit me—my parents would worry about me for once.