If Your Heart Doesn’t Lean Towards Me I Don’t Want It Chapter 01
Halfway through, the man on top of me went still.
I opened my eyes. Ellis was looking down at his phone, at an iMessage.
It was from Tessa. Again. It was two in the morning, and she’d sent a message saying she had a sudden craving for bagels from a specific shop.
“Sorry. I just really want one right now. You bought me those rainbow bagels before—can you send me the name of that shop?”
The warmth in him evaporated. He rolled off me and immediately started typing a reply.
This had become a pattern over the three years we’d been together.
We’d once made plans to see a movie, but he didn’t show up until it was nearly over because Tessa had a craving for the clam chowder he made.
The first time he officially met my parents, he was supposed to stay for dinner but left halfway through to bring Tessa an oat milk latte—the same kind they’d had on their first date.
On Christmas Eve, when he was supposed to be decorating our tree with me, he’d shown up at Tessa’s place instead, making her favorite roast turkey and cranberry sauce from scratch.
He was so focused on his phone that he didn’t look up until I reminded him, for the third time, that we were supposed to go to the County Clerk’s office next week to file our marriage paperwork.
“Let’s talk about it another day. Work’s been insane. Go to sleep. I need to go to my office and handle something.”
Ten minutes after he left, I opened Instagram on my burner account.
He’d posted on his Close Friends story: a photo of him holding a bag of bagels.
The caption read: Had to make sure someone got fed, even in this rain.
I stared at the photo for a long time. All I felt was exhaustion.
Ellis Lombardi, if getting married is such a hassle for you, then I won’t ask again.
…
The next morning, I woke to the smell of eggs frying.
Ellis rarely cooked. In all the years we’d been together, he’d only made me breakfast a handful of times.
But the moment I reached for a plate, he moved to block my hand.
“Don’t touch that. It’s not for you.”
My hand froze in midair.
Ellis slid the eggs from the pan onto a plate, his voice as casual as if he were commenting on the weather.
“I logged into my Uber Eats account this morning and saw that Tessa moved to the city. She’s only five miles from us.”
“She’s picky, and she probably doesn’t know the good spots yet. I’m going to take this to her.”
A bitter taste filled my mouth.
Last month, I’d worked until two in the morning. It was pouring when I left the office.
I’d called Ellis and asked if he could come pick me up.
The office was only three miles from our place, but he’d said it was too far and he didn’t feel like driving.
I was soaked by the time I finally got an Uber. The drenching left me with a fever that lasted three days.
I didn’t bring it up. I was already running late for work.
But I’d been in such a rush that I didn’t realize I’d left an important file at home until I was already at the office.
My boss was furious.
“The client is here early. I need that file in the conference room before nine.”
I had no choice but to call Ellis. He didn’t pick up.
There wasn’t enough time. I had to grab a cab and rush back.
I shoved the door open, breathless, and found Ellis sitting on the couch.
My temper ignited.
“You’re home? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
His tone was flat.
“I had Do Not Disturb on. Did you need something?”
The casual question strangled the anger in my throat.
Then his phone rang.
This time, Ellis answered instantly.
“What now? That’s the seventh time you’ve called today.”
…
On the other end of the line, Tessa was crying.
“Ellis, can you help me find a job? I’m almost out of money for rent.”
“Would you stop crying? I’m in the middle of something.”
He said that, but he was already walking toward the home office.
“Send me your résumé. Crying isn’t going to solve anything. I just sent you five grand on Zelle—find a decent place to live first.”
After he hung up, I asked quietly, “Ellis, why did my calls go to voicemail but hers came through?”
His expression soured with irritation.
“Some of her old work verification codes are still linked to my number. I can’t block her, or I might miss something important.”
I said nothing.
When I’d wanted to change jobs, I had asked to use his phone to register for a new account on a job-search site.
He’d refused, telling me that work and personal matters should be kept separate.
But Tessa’s verification codes were still being sent to his phone.
Apparently, the only person he ever wanted to keep separate was me.
When I got home from work that evening, I found a delivery bag by the door.
I carried the CVS bag inside. Ellis glanced at it but said nothing.
Not until I asked, “Did you buy this?”
Only then did he look up.
“No. I didn’t.”
He took the order slip from me, and his expression tightened.
“Tessa? She must have used my account and forgotten to change the address.”
He frowned. “She’s sick and didn’t even tell me.”
As he spoke, he opened the bag.
Inside was a box of Plan B.
Ellis froze for a second, then immediately dialed her number.
“Tessa, what the hell are you doing? Can you stop messing around for once?”
He listened for a moment. “Wait there. I’m coming over.”
After snapping the phone shut, he grabbed his coat and headed for the door.
I caught his arm, taking a deep breath.
“Ellis, we need to talk.”
He shook me off.
“Another time.”
The force of his pull sent me stumbling back. My control finally broke.
“Ellis.”
He turned to look at me.
“If you walk out that door tonight, there will be nothing left for us to talk about.”
He paused, his brow furrowed.
“Don’t force my hand.”
The door slammed.
He was gone.
After he left, I noticed there was dinner for two on the table.
Before, a gesture like that—him cooking for once—might have been enough to make me soften.
But that night, I just sat there and watched the food grow cold.
I didn’t sleep.
I’d been so buried in work that I hadn’t paid any attention to the hydrangea on the balcony.
I didn’t know when it had bloomed, or when the wind and rain had beaten the flowers to ruin.
Looking at that sad pot of flowers, I felt, for the first time, like just another decorative object in this house.