They Thought I Failed—Until I Turned Down Harvard Chapter 09
Ethan was standing outside one of the academic buildings.
He looked thinner and more worn than before.
The moment he saw me, his eyes lit up.
“Jenny!”
“I’ve come looking for you so many times. I finally found you.”
There was a wounded note in his voice.
He stepped forward to take my hand.
I backed away several steps.
“Ethan.”
“What are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough?”
I had liked Ethan for years.
I had never spoken harshly to him before.
He froze.
“Jenny… what did you say?”
“Do you have any idea how much I miss you?”
“I’ve been waiting for you at Harvard. Why did you have to come all the way to UC San Diego?”
I glanced at the time.
Class was about to start.
I had no patience left.
“Because I don’t want to see you or Olivia.”
“Because I’m sick of looking at you and Olivia. Is that clear enough?”
I moved around him toward the building.
He suddenly rushed up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.
“Jenny, don’t do this.”
“There’s nothing going on between me and Olivia. You’ve got it all wrong. Please.”
I couldn’t get free, so I shouted.
Students quickly gathered around us.
Several of them pulled Ethan away.
Someone lifted a phone and started recording his face.
“She told you to let go. Touch her again and I’m sending this video to campus police.”
“Back off. She doesn’t want you touching her. What part of that don’t you understand?”
“I already called campus security. You’d better stay away from her.”
Ethan started rambling, trying to shield his face from the camera.
Campus security arrived and pulled him away from me.
“No, no, you don’t understand.”
“I’m her boyfriend! I’m not harassing her. You can’t just take me away!”
A girl stepped forward and looked at me.
“Is that true? Is he really your boyfriend?”
I looked at him coldly and shook my head.
“No.”
“I don’t know him.”
Campus security escorted Ethan away.
After class, Professor Foster heard what had happened that morning and called me into her office.
Concern and pity filled her eyes.
After a long silence, she sighed.
“Jenny, take a look at this.”
I picked up the form on her desk and read it carefully.
Professor Foster continued.
“Ms. Bennett and I spoke. She never expected your family to follow you all the way out here.”
“This is the Global Scholars Fellowship we run with one of our partner universities in London. A spot just opened up, and Ms. Bennett has already written you a recommendation.”
“Think about it.”
Hope flared in my chest again.
“Could I really go?”
Professor Foster nodded.
“There are conditions.”
“The program would cover your remaining tuition, housing, and a basic living stipend.”
“You would complete the rest of your degree in London. If you perform well, you could go straight into their graduate program, and there may be an opportunity to stay on afterward for research.”
“Think it over carefully.”
My fingers trembled.
I tried to keep my excitement under control.
“I’ll go.”
“Thank you.”
…
Life in London was even busier than it had been at UC San Diego.
Professor Foster still checked in on me often and introduced me to people in her academic network.
Sometimes, walking through the streets of London, I still couldn’t quite believe this was my life.
I no longer had to twist myself into someone else just to be loved.
I no longer lay awake at night wondering why I was never as good as everyone else.
I grew more resilient.
I stopped tearing myself apart.
I had my own goals now.
A few years later, I finished graduate school and accepted a research and teaching position at a university in London.
It wasn’t a senior position.
But people respected my work.
Slowly, I made peace with myself too.
My old roommate from UC San Diego came to visit me in London, and I booked us a table at a restaurant.
Over dinner, she hesitantly brought up what had been happening back at UC San Diego.
My parents had gone back there again and caused a scene.
They even searched through the academic buildings.
But no matter how many classrooms they checked, they never found me.
When I only smiled in response, my roommate relaxed.
She knew I truly didn’t care anymore.
Then she continued.
Whenever Ethan had time, he went back to UC San Diego.
He had searched nearly every corner of the campus.
Once, after he had been drinking, he broke down outside the dorms and shouted my name.
I frowned in disgust.
My roommate and I exchanged a look and laughed.
“Jenny, it’s really good to see you like this.”
“I’m happy for you.”
I rested my head on her shoulder.
For the first time, I felt completely at peace.
The evening breeze drifted through the streets of London and brushed across our faces.
It felt nothing like the wind in Boston.
And somehow, that made me feel freer than I ever had before.
We stood beside the lake.
My roommate asked, “Jenny, do you think you’ll ever move back to Boston?”
Years had passed.
The timid, insecure girl I used to be was gone.
My shoulders were relaxed.
My back was straight.
I was no longer anyone’s background character.
I was no longer trapped in endless neglect and disappointment.
I smiled and shook my head.
“No.”
All the loneliness and tears that had once crushed me belonged to the past now.
My life was mine now.